Today I Needed to Remember

Transformation. Self-reflection. Awakening. For as long as I can remember these have been life long missions for me. Grow. Learn. Look again. I live for aha moments. I love it when something seemingly pops out of the blue and wakes me up and makes me rethink something.

Given that, I am still surprised by the “wake up and pay attention” moment I had recently while healing from a long illness not so long ago. I was spending my days drifting in and out of sleep on my couch too sick to really do much of anything else. It was one of those times when I was bemoaning how sick I was. Why me? How long can this last? Why? Why? Why? Periodically, I would ask myself what I was going to do with my life it this turned out to be the way I was always going to feel. Or what if this was actually going to lead to the end of my life, what then? Had I accomplished what I was put here to do?

When I was much younger I believed I was put here for two reasons. First, I was supposed to do something important to change the world. Second, I was supposed to learn a great lesson from being in a relationship with one other person. I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to figure out what I was supposed to do and wondering when I would have that fabulous relationship and learn the great lesson. Once those things happened my life would be easy right? I mean how could it not be.

This brings me to my “wake up and pay attention” moment. I feel a great gift was given to me. It was if time stopped and I was experiencing one of those great trances where I get a gift. My memory was flooded with times I had done something or said something which made a difference for someone or something. I had listened. I had stood up for someone. I had showed I cared. I had taken what seemed like a small action to me, but was actually seen as huge by someone else. I said yes, when it mattered. I said no, when it needed to be said. Then my mind was flooded with all these times when I made real connections. Some of those connections were with people I knew and sometimes it was with people I came in contact with once and never saw again. Sometimes that connection was with trees and sometimes with animals. There were the connections with the ocean and the night sky. Each connection lit something inside me and is rekindle each time I remember it. The thing is, until now I quickly dismissed and forgot the moments.

I realized on some deep level that I make a difference every day. I change the world every day and with every action I take, which means my life matters. I realized that the great lesson I needed to learn from being in a relationship with one other person is that each interaction matters and is an opportunity for connection. Connection matters. Connections change the world. I really believe that. I get excited about this because I know it is true for all of us. It’s that butterfly thing where a butterfly flying on the other side of the world has an impact thousands of miles away. Or that web where we are all connected things.

The gift is I now get it in the deepest part of my gut. It’s a part of me now. It sees me through when I can get down and defeated about the state of the world we live in. Climate change. Racism. Classism. Poverty. Politics. Genocide. That list can go on and on. But so can I. I will go on and on and keep remembering to connect and to breathe.

I also will remember that each of us has our own reason for being here and many, many of us are showing up and doing whatever that is. Thank you for that. Together we are changing the world and today I needed to remember that.

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