Let someone else address that issue
Last week I had an exchange with someone that I would classify as a hard conversation. It was one of those conversations that had been a long time coming. I brought up a pattern of behavior that had been driving me crazy on and off for years. A pattern that I kept ignoring because it didn’t happen every day and it just felt easier not to “go there”. I assumed it would be met defensively and would be emotionally charged for both of us and so I took the easy road and just ignored it. Over and over and over again I ignored it. Until for some reason last week I just could not ignore it any longer.
The end result was a good one. Honestly, I am still surprised by that. Yes, it got heated at times, but the result was we found common ground and found where we both needed to make changes. A good outcome that was worth the discomfort in the long run.
I came home that day and looked up something I had read by Cynthea Jones:
Refusing to address an issue or speak up when an agreement is being violated is privileged behavior. Anytime I say, “Let someone else address that issue,” I am considering myself entitled to pass the burden of integrity on to some other authority. I have to ask myself why I believe I have the right to make a misunderstanding, a violation of agreements, or a blatant unkindness someone else’s task. If I am present during the encounter, why is it someone else’s job to address the issue? I find this to be a good question for those of us who strive not to unconsciously assume privilege.
I wrestle with this. I have wrestled with it in the past and I am sure I will again in the future. The thing is, as much as I don’t want it to be true, I think she’s right.
This post was written by Elizabeth Wilson